Move Over, Men Holding Fish – This New Dating App Only Allows Pictures of Fish Holding Men

In the disheartening world of online dating, it can sometimes feel like you’ll never find the right person. So many apps, so little time! And yet, simultaneously, the old adage “there’s plenty of fish in the sea” no longer seems appropriate.

“‘Plenty of fish in the sea’? Please,” single woman Margaret Jane said on Saturday. “There aren’t any fish in the sea – they’re all being held up by men in their dating profile photos.”

Indeed, the present epidemic of online dating seems to be an endless tide of pictures of men holding large fish and smiling smugly into the camera. The trend has been going on for years and, in some parts of the country, shows no sign of slowing down.

“If you live near a lake, it’s an inescapable,” Jane went on. “Swipe, fish, swipe, fish. A year ago I moved to a more urban area, and I thought I was safe. But as soon as I logged into Tinder, I immediately swiped through five men holding fish. That’s when I realized… there was a pond down the street.”

Stories like Jane’s are not uncommon. However, hope is on the horizon, and certain app developers are working to combat the rising tide of men holding fish. One such visionary is Beatrice Holden, the lead developer of Hooked, a dating app that allows singles to see the ultimate role reversal… fish holding men.

“When we asked people what they were tired of seeing in dating apps, the resounding response was ‘men holding fish,’” Holden said Saturday. “It trumped every other traditional annoyance, like ghosting, which from my understanding, is when someone you assumed to be alive turns out to actually be a ghost.”

When a person logs into Hooked, they are first asked to select their gender identity, and from there, they are able to upload photos to their profile. Women, and anyone else who does not identify as a man, are allowed to upload whatever photos they would like. Meanwhile, when a man uploads a photo, it is automatically resized, cropped, and photoshopped into a scene that shows a fish holding him aloft in the air.

“I love it!” a new user named Polly Smith said. “The fish are holding the men! It’s like a dream I had, except this time my therapist isn’t accusing me of being ‘frightfully horny.’”

A user image from Hooked.

Men who use the app are also enjoying the experience.

“Before I found Hooked, I was just uploading photo after photo of myself holding fish,” user Matt Carson said. “Salmon, trout – I even pulled my goldfish out of its bowl for a pic. But now, those days are behind me. Now I know how to make the best first impression: by showing what it would look if a giant tuna picked me up by ankle and suspended me over the edge of a boat while I begged for it to spare my life.”

Developer Beatrice Holden has other dating apps in the works as well.

“The second biggest complaint from users is that on most dating apps, there are too many pictures of men with their cars,” Holden said. “So we designed a new app that shows what it would look like if those men merged with their cars, so they sort of look like characters in the movie Cars. It’s called ‘Park It Here’ and it’s not testing well.”