Instagram Accuses Developer Of Witchcraft After She Writes Code To Allow Users To Put Links In Captions

In a shocking blow to Instagram users everywhere, the fight to allow links in captions is once again at a standstill after the company accused one of their main developers of witchcraft and burned her at the stake.

“She used her black magic to conjure an update that allowed users to do one of the most foul, unspeakable things imaginable,” Instagram spokesperson Bennet Jackson said Wednesday. “It allowed users to… gah, I can barely say the words… put a link in their captions. We could not allow such evil behavior to endure at our company, so we broke out the old log pile.”

This was not the first time a developer has been burned at the stake at Instagram headquarters. Just last year, another Instagram employee was accused of witchcraft after trying to give the “swipe up to a link” story feature to the masses.

“Yes, yes, it seems we are dealing with a secret coven here at Instagram,” Jackson went on. “We never know exactly who among us might be a witch. Only when they reveal themselves by casting their magic spells do we realize who is one of the link witches.”

However, not everyone at Instagram thinks the developers striving to provide link features to users are witches.

“It’s weird that they keep using language like ‘spells’ and ‘witches’ when in reality they are just developers working with code,” one Instagram employee said. “But from my understanding, the upper management at Instagram is a very Puritan culture.”

Indeed, when questioned for this story, spokesperson Bennet Jackson was wearing traditional pilgrim garb, and when asked if he could picture a future where putting links in captions would be possible, he said the following:

“You’re one of them! You’re one of the witches! Witch! Witch! Get the stakes! She speaks the evil words! She dances in the woods and sings of links in captions! We must burn her!”

This is a developing story.