Brave! Woman Who “Only Orders From Restaurants Once A Week” Does Not Consider Domino’s To Be A Restaurant

As the world grapples with the continued economic impact of the pandemic, people around the United States are tightening their belts, and for many, that means cutting down on buying food from local restaurants. We spoke with Carol McGradley, one of the many people in the country who have been forced to abstain from patronizing their favorite eateries.

“I used to eat out all the time,” Carol said Monday. “But when the pandemic hit, they cut back my hours at work. Now I only pick up food from restaurants once a week.”

We spoke with Carol via Zoom, and visible in the background of her Zoom square was an absolute tower of Domino’s pizza boxes. When asked if Domino’s was the restaurant she was frequenting each week, Carol had this to say:

“What? Domino’s isn’t a restaurant.”

Upon further investigation, it was discovered that Carol is, in fact, this writer’s neighbor, and when the writer stepped outside, she observed several dozen Domino’s boxes forming a trail from Carol’s front door to the trash cans outside.

During a second Zoom call, when asked what she considers Domino’s to be, if not a restaurant, Carol grew more abstract.

“Domino’s isn’t a restaurant,” she said. “It’s a lifestyle.”

When pressed to elaborate, Carol went on, “I give them money and they give me… so much more than food.”

When pressed to elaborate again, Carol continued, “Sure, I buy pizzas, and pastas, and sandwiches from them, but it’s almost like instead of the traditional practice of me giving them money for food, they’re giving me pizza in exchange for seeing me smile.”

Unsure whether to ask “So you’re not wearing a mask when you go into restaurants?” or “Why have you cursed my brain with the knowledge that someone can order a sandwich from Domino’s?” this writer went with the former.

 “I feel like, spiritually, we wear masks all the time,” Carol said. “Physically, I wear a cloth mask in public, yes.”

Later in the evening, this writer smelled smoke coming from outside, and upon peeking over her fence, witnessed Carol burning Domino’s boxes while smiling at the flames.

 Do you consider Domino’s to be a restaurant? Let us know!